Christmas Countdown: Love

Y’all!

I’m about to pull my hair out. I've been inundated with Christmas holiday pop music over the last few weeks, and it’s driving me crazy!

Don’t get me wrong, I love Christmas music, but I prefer the carols to the modern pop music. And there is a very specific reason why: most of modern Christmas music isn't real. Songs singing lines like, “Santa baby, I want a yacht and really that's not a lot” isn’t what Christmas is truly about. Instead, Christmas is far more about a love that runs so much deeper than all of the shallow commercialized holiday sparkle.

Let's talk about true love.

Not the “All I want for Christmas is you”, butterflies-in-your-stomach, everything-is-perfect kind of love. I'm talking about real love. The gritty, sacrificial, show-up-when-it's-hard kind of love. The kind that Christmas is actually about.

Christmas is fundamentally a love story. It's the story of God loving humanity so much that He stepped into our world—into our mess, our pain, our brokenness—and said, "I'm not giving up on you. I'm coming for you."

And that kind of love? That kind of love changes everything. That kind of love transforms lives. That kind of love is available to you right now, this very minute. And I am so excited to unpack what that means!

What Love Is Really

Let's be real here. We throw the word "love" around way too casually. We said things like: "I love pizza" or "I love that show." We bland English-speakers use the same word for everything from chili to our children. Somewhere along the way, we've diluted what love actually means.
The Greeks of Jesus’ time had multiple words for love, and I think they were onto something. There's eros, which is erotic, romantic love (yes, the butterflies-in-your-stomach kind of love). There's philia, which is the love that fuels friendship. And then there is agape, the unconditional, sacrificial, I-choose-you-even-when-it-costs-me love.

Agape is the core love of Christmas. It is love in its truest, purest, most powerful form. It is God looking at broken, stumbling, suffering humanity and saying, "I love you anyway. I'm coming for you. I'm giving up everything to save you. I will be your Emmanuel (God with us)." It is not based on feelings. It is based on choice. It is not about emotions. It is about action. Agape is love as a noun and a verb all at once. About God proving that he not only loves, but that He IS love because He redefined love’s very definition.

The Greatest Love Story Ever Told

Let me take you back to that first Christmas one more time. Because when you really understand what happened that night, it wrecks you in the best possible way.

God—the infinite Creator of the universe, the One who spoke galaxies and us into existence, the One who is completely self-sufficient and needs absolutely nothing—looked at us and chose love. Not because we deserved it. Not because we earned it. But because that is who and what He is. GOD IS LOVE.

Think about it, He could have sent an army. He could have shown up in power and glory and forced everyone to bow. Instead, He came as a helpless baby. He entered into the full human experience—the pain, the struggle, the heartache—so that He could truly be with us.

Let me repeat that. Love made Himself vulnerable. Love didn't demand that we get ourselves together before He showed up. Love met us right where we were—in our mess, in our sin, in our brokenness—and said, "I love you so much and I won’t be separated from you any longer."

Love Blockers

So if God is so good and so loving, why don’t we always experience His true love for us? If He loves us so much, why does He still allow us to suffer? And while we’re at it, why don’t we experience this kind of true love with other people?

Keep in mind that agape love is a light that pierces the darkness of the world. Anytime light comes to cast out shadows, war rages and suffering occurs. Yet even our suffering does not go unredeemed. Jesus, our Emmanuel, was born among us, lived a perfect life as example to us, healed the sick, resurrected the dead, died a torturous death as an atonement sacrifice for us, and then rose from the grave 40 hours later to be death’s conqueror forever. It’s not a fairy tale; it’s better. It’s a historically documented love story that ends with our sufferings being redeemed into joyful Shalom—true, whole peace.

Let’s name those shadows that block us from experiencing and giving true love, so that we can pierce each shadow in turn.

• Fear of rejection. Real love is scary because it requires opening your heart, being vulnerable, and risking rejection. It means letting people see the real you—not the polished, put-together version, but the messy, imperfect, struggling version that shames you. And that is terrifying! But you cannot love deeply without the courage to be deeply vulnerable.
• Unforgiveness. You cannot hold onto hatred, bitterness, and resentment without letting go of love. You cannot truly love someone you refuse to forgive. And holding onto that anger? It's like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. It destroys YOU, not them.
• Self-protection. When you've been hurt—and we've all been hurt—the natural response is to build walls. To protect yourself. To say, "I'm not letting anyone get that close again." But those walls that keep pain out? They also keep love out. You can't have one without losing the other. And the funny thing about self-protection is that this form of selfishness hardens your heart so much that you become like the person who hurt you. And then, you hurt others.
• Lust. Erotic love masquerades itself as agape love all the time, but Lust is just as selfish and superficial as the pop songs that it inspires. It is here for you one day and gone the next just like the most ephemeral of fashions. Lust says, "I want you" while Love says, "I am committed to you." Lust says, "How can you please me?" while Love says, "How may I serve you?"
• Conditional thinking. "I'll love you if..." "I'll love you when..." Real love doesn't come with a performance clause. Let me reiterate that: real love doesn’t demand to be earned through a list of best practices. It doesn’t pridefully ask, “What’s in it for me?” Real love says, "I choose you. Period. Not because you're perfect. Not because you've earned it. But because you are worth loving, flaws and all."
• Believing you're unlovable. This lie is arguably the biggest shadow of all to destroy because its foundation is shame. If you believe deep down that you are not worthy of love—that you're too broken, too messed up, too far gone—you'll sabotage every relationship. You'll push people away. You'll reject love before it can reject you. And you'll miss out on the very thing your soul is starving for.

How to Love Like (Christ)mas

Okay, I know I can get carried away talking about this, but I really want you to understand, experience, and be able to give true love this blessed season. So let me give you some practical ways to embody this kind of love this Christmas season.

Here's your homework:

• Choose someone and show up. Don’t have a perfect plan or all of the right words? Show up anyway. Make the call. Send the text. Show up at their door. Your presence—your willingness to be there—is an act of love.
• Practice forgiveness. I know I’ve talked about this a few times before, but seriously, who hurt you that you are holding a grudge against that you need to forgive? This Christmas, take one step toward letting it go. I know it’s difficult, believe me! I used to be the Queen of Grudges. I can tell you here and now, it’s not worth it! Let it go. Not for them, but for YOU. Because unforgiveness is a prison, and you're the one locked inside.
• Be vulnerable with someone. Share something real. Drop the mask. Let someone see the real you—the struggling, imperfect, messy you. Give them the gift of your authenticity. That's love, too.
• Give sacrificially. Find someone who needs something you can provide—time, money, a listening ear, a meal, a hug—and give it. Not because you'll get something in return. But because that's what love does. Love gives. Love the difficult people. The ones who get under your skin. The ones who push your buttons. The ones who are hard to be around. Love them anyway. Not because they deserve it. But because that's what God did for you. He loved you when you were unlovable. Pass it on.
• Ask and receive forgiveness. This is such a hard one for so many of us including me. If you haven’t apologized to God and to others for your own mess-ups, do so now. Pride is just as big of a love blocker as fear, hatred, and shame. I’ll tell you the truth straight not chaser: failure to admit when you’re wrong is a selfish form of pride that blocks love from being correctly given and received in any relationship including a holy one with God.
  God already knows you messed up; that’s why He came. But if you are unwilling to admit failure, the mask stays on, the walls stay up, and the isolation stays real. Don’t be victim to your own failures. Learn to process them through forgiveness and humility so that you and your loved ones can experience the full joy and peace of true agape love.
• Receive love. This one goes right with asking for and receiving forgiveness. When someone offers help, accept it. When someone gives you a gift, receive it. When someone compliments you, believe it. When someone shows you love, let it in. Don't deflect. Don't minimize. Don't push it away. Practice graciously receiving love in all its forms.

The Love That Heals

Okay, let's be brutally honest here. Some of you are reading this and thinking, "Yeah, that's nice, Alycia, but you don't know my story. You don’t know what I’ve done. You don't know what I've been through. You don't know how badly I've been hurt!"

You're absolutely right. I don't know your specific story. But I do know this: Love heals. Not overnight. Not magically. But slowly, steadily, surely—love heals the deepest wounds.

I've watched it happen and I’ve experienced it myself. I've witnessed people who were completely broken—who thought they'd never trust again, never open their hearts again, never risk again—slowly come back to life through the power of love: God's love, community love, and their own willingness to love themselves. I’m not talking about people who fell and scraped their knee here. I’m talking about physical and sexual-assault victims, addicts, war veterans, felons, and people struggling with suicidal depression. All of them including me healed through true love.

Please believe me: you are NOT too broken for love. You are not too damaged. You are not beyond repair. The God who came as a baby on Christmas morning showed up for people EXACTLY like you and me. The broken ones. The hurting ones. The ones who thought they were beyond saving. He came for all of us.

Love Is the Point

The biggest lesson I learned as I knelt beside my grandmothers’ hospice beds was this: at the end of our lives, nothing else will matter as much as how well each of us loved God and loved others. When facing eternity, our accomplishments, our possessions, and our reputation don’t mean squat. How well we loved—now, that's what truly matters.

Did you love well? Did you let yourself be loved? Did you risk your heart? Did you show up for people? Did you forgive? Did you ask forgiveness? Did you give? Did you receive? Did you practice vulnerability? Did you choose connection over comfort?

That's what Christmas is asking you. Not "Did you buy the perfect gifts?" Not "Did you create the perfect holiday experience?" But "Did you love well?"

Your Love Assignment

Regardless of where you are right now—whether you're surrounded by love or drowning in loneliness—I want you to do something this week. Choose one person and love them well. Extravagantly. Sacrificially. Maybe it's your spouse who you've taken for granted. Maybe it's your kid who drives you crazy. Maybe it's your difficult neighbor. Maybe it's a stranger who needs help. Maybe it's yourself—because sometimes the hardest person to love is the one in the mirror.

Choose someone. And love them like Christmas. Love them like Jesus.
Love them vulnerably. Love them sacrificially. Love them unconditionally. Love them the way God loved you when He stepped into that stable. Love them the way you want to be loved.

And then watch what happens. Because love is contagious. Love multiplies. Love transforms. Love changes everything. LIVE COURAGEOUS, LOVE CONTAGIOUS!

May you know how deeply you are loved!

And may you have the courage to love others with that same extravagant love.

Loving you fiercely,
Alycia Christine