Christmas Countdown: Joy

Not the fleeting, surface-level happiness that comes from a perfectly wrapped present or the first warm cookie out of the oven. I'm talking about real, bone-deep, unshakable Joy—the kind that exists even when life is hard.

The kind that doesn't depend on your circumstances being perfect but is perfect strength when your circumstances are in chaos.

One of the greatest lies that we swallow hook, line, and sinker is that joy and happiness are the same thing. They are not. We interchange them constantly, but they are fundamentally different, and understanding this difference will change your life.

Because we interchange happiness and joy all the time in our speech, habits, and attitudes, understanding the difference is difficult. However, it becomes infinitely easier if you think about joy and happiness in the same way that you think about fashion versus function.

Fashion is circumstantial. It follows external trends of what is popular among wide groups of people to be relevant—which means fashionable clothes are not always the most functional. Stiletto heels, anyone?

Likewise, happiness is circumstantial. It comes from external things going well: you get a raise, you're happy; someone compliments you, you're happy; the weather is perfect, you're happy. But the minute those circumstances change? That happiness evaporates like morning mist or the latest fashion trend.

But function—function is foundational. It is built on the rules of what works no matter the circumstances. It works, so it isn't externally influenced by every whimsical change in the weather or in people's attitudes. Joy is functional and foundational. It is deeply rooted in your soul and anchored to something that cannot be shaken by external circumstances.

Joy says: Yes, this is hard. Yes, I'm struggling. Yes, I don't know how I am going to get through this, but I choose hope anyway. I still see the good in all of the bad, I still see the light in all the darkness, and I still trust that there is a purpose in this pain. That's Joy.

Let me repeat that in case you missed it: Joy does not deny our pain—it coexists with it. You can grieve and have joy. You can struggle and have joy. You can face uncertainty and have joy because Joy isn't based on everything being perfect. It's based on knowing that you are held, that you are loved, and that you are not alone.

Okay, I'm going to get a little theological here, but stay with me because this is important.

True Joy is based on knowing that you are held, that you are loved, and that you are not alone because you know the one true perfect being who makes all things new.

The Bible talks about the joy of the Lord being our strength (Nehemiah 8:10). Not happiness. Not constant smiling and pretending everything is fine—that smile-emoji fashion statement doesn't last. Joy. That Joy comes from knowing who God is and who you are to Him.

God is real, God is love, and God is perfect. He keeps His promises, and though He doesn't always do things the way we expect Him to (and by the way, this is why so many of us—including me—lose faith in Him in the first place: because He doesn't always do what we expect Him to do). But just because He doesn't meet our expectations does not mean that He doesn't deserve our trust.

Case in point: look at the shepherds on that first Christmas night. They were doing their regular, ordinary, not-so-exciting job of watching sheep. And then, all of a sudden, angels show up in an incredible glorious choir with this awe-inspiring announcement that changes everything: "Don’t be afraid, for behold, I bring you good news of great joy which will be to all the people. For there is born to you today, in David’s city, a Savior, who is Christ the Lord." (-Luke 2:10-11 WEB)

The joy wasn't dependent upon the shepherds' circumstances improving. They were still poor. They were still outcasts. They were still at the bottom of the social ladder. But they were gifted Joy when they encountered the living God. They experienced the present of His presence in the form of Emmanuel (“God with us”). That encounter proved how much they mattered to Him, and that changes everything.

Hundreds of years after Isaiah first made the prophecy recorded in Isaiah 9 about the coming Messiah whose name will be called “Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace” (Isaiah 9:6), circumstances had gotten really bleak. The Romans had conquered and brutally subjugated the nation of Israel. Israel desperately needed a king to lead them into freedom from their oppressors. So what did God do? God sent Israel a poor child born in a stable who becomes, not a king or a priest, but a common craftsman. No one expected this; no one wanted this. But God knew what He was doing because, instead of courting the elite of the day, God sent His beloved son as a commoner to counsel and lead commoners who understood the humble function of things over flamboyant, prideful fashion.

This practical God-breathed lesson of functional joy winning over fashionable happiness is a lesson I learned from one of the most unlikely sources imaginable: felons in a toilet warehouse.

I sometimes talk about my job as a clerk and now HR Coordinator at a Dallas, Texas, warehouse—a distribution center that specializes in shipping plumbing parts like toilets and tubs to companies across the United States. Many of the workers there are former felons just finishing up their sentences, still on parole, and in many cases walking to work from the Halfway House just down the street. Thanks specifically to these coworkers, I have learned what true Joy looks like: it exists in the face of every single parolee actually grateful to be out, to be free, and to have a second chance at life.

One parolee in particular has become one of my closest friends, and he is one of the most stubborn rays of sunlight I have ever met. His Joy is so strong it practically glows. Without going into details (because I don't have his permission to share his story), I will simply say that Ray has had a hard life full of abuse and horrible choices that landed him in prison, his freedom and family snatched away. Yet, as he has told me many times, he is deeply grateful for the fact that he went to prison because, as he says, "Prison saved my life. If I hadn't gone to prison, I'd be dead."

It took him years of forced sobriety behind bars to get clean from the drugs that had ruled his life for more than 15 years. He came out of prison, began working at the warehouse, started making a difference with the skills he had learned before and behind bars, and has touched so many people's lives for good including mine—all because he holds on to Joy and refuses to align himself with resentment, bitterness, or a victim mentality. His gratefulness, joy, and strength humble me every day.

Ray isn't perfect—like every good friend, he can still manage to get on my last nerve—but I deeply respect him for the transformation that he and God have made in his life. I mention God only because Ray himself does; he believes that without the love of God and the example of Jesus Christ, he would either still be imprisoned and addicted or be dead. The joy of the Lord truly is his strength, and it truly is mine.

So what are these flamboyant fashions that distract us with happiness while actually stealing our functional joy? In order to fight them, we need to name them.

Comparison. This is such an insidious snare. The minute you start comparing your life, your gifts, your family, and your circumstances to someone else's, your joy is extinguished like a flickering candle flame on a windy night. With comparison comes covetousness, and with covetousness comes envy, scorn, and greed. To the degree that you idolize something and want that over anything else will be the degree that it enslaves you. This is why addiction is such a nasty trap.

"Not enough" is an insidious lie that often wraps itself in the hard truth that our world is not always full of abundance, but is often ruled by lack. This incites a war between the haves and the have-nots, impulses swimming in our own minds that set off the comparison trap. Cultivating joy is nothing less than the art of breaking off the chains of covetousness and running free in the surety of contentment.

Ingratitude. This is the big one, and it is the setup for comparison and covetousness. The minute you stop being grateful—the minute you stop seeing the Garden of Eden's abundance and start fixating on the one Crooked Tree—joy disappears. Gratitude and joy are best friends. You can't have one without the other.

Sometimes more is not better—it's simply more. This idea has permeated my thoughts of late. During the holiday season especially, it is so easy to want more and to fall into the trap of wanting more just for the sake of wanting more rather than understanding that more is not always better. It's just more.

Perfectionism. Oh, how I am ashamed to admit how many times I've done this. I've robbed myself of joy so many times trying to make everything perfect—the perfect decorations, the perfect meal, the perfect gifts. And in the process, I missed the actual moment. I was so busy performing that I forgot to participate!

Isolation. Joy multiplies when it's shared. When you isolate yourself—when you pull away from community—you cut yourself off from one of the primary sources of joy. We were made for connection, and joy thrives in relationship. Pride blinds us to other people's value while blinding us to our faults. Shame does the exact opposite. Both manage to isolate us from the strength found in joyful community and weaken us.

Unforgiveness. Holding a grudge is deadly to joy. It divides and isolates us from others, but it also binds us in subjugation to those who have wronged us. Forgiveness breaks off those chains of hatred and allows us to move past the hurt and heal from the pain. Forgiveness does not mean we forget, but it does mean that the memories no longer continue to emotionally stab us.

Before I get too carried away (I know, I know—too late, I already have!), I want to give you some practical, actionable steps for choosing joy this Christmas season.

• Practice daily gratitude. Remember that Gratefulness List I challenged you to start earlier this week? Drag that out every morning. Even before you get out of bed, name something you're grateful for and write it down. It doesn't have to be a big thing! "I'm grateful for warm blankets" or "I'm grateful that my coffee maker works" or "I'm grateful I can breathe" are good enough. (Trust me, I'm grateful for all three!) Train your brain to look for the good—not only that, but train your brain to look for the good specifically in the bad. I call it redemption hunting. How is God keeping His promise to redeem something good out of something bad?

• Stop comparing. Stop measuring your worth by someone else's success. Your journey is YOUR journey. Their journey is THEIR journey. Focus on your own lane and drive like you own it! While you're at it, weed out any friends who are constantly putting you down to build themselves up. True friends are those who see our true worth and help us build our character stronger through LOVING correction, not PRIDEFUL accusation.

• Let go of perfect. Give yourself permission to be messy. (If you could see my house right now at the end of my 50K-in-30-day writing spree, you'd understand that I'm giving myself this permission, too.) Perfection is important only to the point that it serves us instead of us serving it. Let yourself have an imperfect Christmas. Burning the cookies or forgetting to send that card isn't the end of the world. Nobody is keeping score except you, and you need to fire yourself as the judge! Trust me, Jesus is a much better judge than you and I ever could be, and He judged us worth sacrificing His life. If that is how the perfect Son of God sees us, then we can think no less of ourselves. Ask forgiveness from Him, forgive yourself, and forgive others. Let go of the grudges; grab hold of the grace.

• Share your joy. Call that friend. Send that text. Tell someone you appreciate them. Joy multiplies when you give it away. Be generous with your encouragement and with your presence!

• Create joy rituals. Maybe it's hot chocolate every evening. Maybe it's a daily walk to look at Christmas lights. Maybe it's reading a chapter of the Christmas story each night. (My favorite is Luke 2.) Maybe it's volunteering at the local food pantry. Find something that fills your heart with joy and protect that time fiercely!

Regardless of what this year has held for you—whether it's been full of triumph or full of tears—joy is still available to you. It's still there, waiting for you to choose it.

And this is what I truly love about the Christmas story: Joy showed up in the most unlikely circumstances—in a stable, to outcasts, in the middle of political oppression and uncertainty. Joy didn't wait for things to be perfect. It showed up and worked its magic all the same.

And it's showing up for you too. Right now. In your imperfect circumstances. In the messy middle of your reality. Joy is knocking at your door. Will you let it in? Will you let Him in?

So just to recap my challenge to you: Choose joy today. Not happiness that depends on everything going right, but deep, unshakeable joy that's rooted in knowing you're loved, you're held, and you matter.

Practice gratitude. Let go of comparison. Release perfectionism. Grab hold of grace. Share your joy with others. And watch what happens when you make these choices consistently!

I am so excited about the joy that's available to all of us this Christmas season!

May our hearts overflow with joy!

Not because everything is perfect, but because we choose to see and embrace the good.

Cheering you on with joy,

Alycia Christine